Character Matters: Part One
At Blockout Academy, I'm very big on all of the coaches and athletes respecting one another. Being respectful to those we work and play with is super important. Everyone in the gym needs to respect everyone in the gym. Respecting others includes respecting others’ time. All athletes need to respect Blockout Academy coaches’ time, their school’s coaches’ time, and their parents’ time, regardless of their skill level and where they go to school.
Negative and disrespectful attitudes of any sort are not tolerated at Blockout Academy. We also don't tolerate any form of gossip and always address it as we hear about anything along those lines. Athletes with bad attitudes or who continue to gossip will be called out, and if they have a problem with that, it just means we aren’t a good fit for a coach-athlete relationship. It means they aren’t a good fit for our culture. And that’s okay! It’s okay for us to not be a good fit. I wish everyone well and hope they can find a coach that is a better fit.
The negative attitudes are disrespectful not only to other people, but also to the athletes themselves. When negativity affects athletes at Blockout Academy or on their school teams, they are harming others who are trying to do their work and improve in their sport. When their negativity and disrespect affect me and my coaches, we have to stop doing what we’re doing and address the problems that have arisen. That’s okay, too. This is part of what we do as coaches who are concerned about our athletes’ character. We believe our role is to coach the whole person. Interestingly, those expectations are spelled out in all our wavers/ offerings and we communicate those constantly with our athletes etc. But when we have to address the same sorts of things again and again with the same people, it is a waste of everyone’s time. And at that point, we need to part ways.
I work with a lot of middle school and high school kids. This is a time when these girls are having identity crises, puberty, changes, and trying to search for belonging and where they fit in with others. There is so much social pressure about how they dress, how they articulate their views, who they hang out with, how they approach training, and how they communicate with my coaches and me.
Oftentimes, the girls who are trying to grow, improve, and excel are judged by the popular girls who usually seem to be the ones who are disrespectful with the bad attitudes. For some reason it’s popular or cool or whatever to not care too much. There’s judgment even if you step out and do the right thing while everyone else is choosing a lesser path or direction. And. having your own opinion in path seems to be the worst thing you can do.
I understand that insecurity is at the root of all. It reminds me of saying, “the loudest in the room is the weakest one.” The insecurities are so high that with their loud bark they cover it and pursue others to join. It’s pretty wild.
The girls who are the most mature, the most goal-driven, with good heads on their shoulders, with great values, and who respect themselves and others as humans and as humans who have things they need to do during certain times, are the ones that are usually being left behind.
I can see them suffering because of this. I often tell Blockout Academy athletes, “Choose wisely who you surround yourself with.” On that note, the girls who would give you everything they’ve got--all of the energy and passion and commitment--they’re the ones being ostracized by everyone else. These are the girls who would be great, caring, and wonderful friends if they’re treated well and befriended. And they’re the ones left out and banished from the insider group of popular girls who are trying to call the shots and demand who everyone acts.
The girls who have no goals or respect for themselves, who are lost in their own insecurities, who are too cool to do the right thing, who are always telling others what to do and how to do it, these are the girls who continue to judge those who don’t do what they want, say they’re weird, and push them away.
Not only is this sort of attitude unkind, harmful, and emotionally damaging, the girls who treat others this way are hindering others’ ability to become the best athletes they can be. Their unwillingness to do the right thing, to put forth effort, and care about their own success harms and hinders the progress of everyone around them who’s trying to do the right thing and work hard and improve. It’s very selfish to not see how one's actions affect everyone else.
To me character is always the #1 trait. I tell kids this all the time. I tell athletes who possess good character to keep being great and keep being who they are. They know they’re doing the right thing and trying to have integrity but they always end up wondering why they’re the ones who are alone, cut off from their teammates, and maybe even cut from the team because they’re deemed to be too isolated from the other teammates. An isolation that is caused by the negative actions and attitudes of others.